I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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