getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
