you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
