you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
