her vagina looked like bernie madoff
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
