apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Randomize
