Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize