its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
