I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
