He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
