I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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