I feel like abortions should bother me more
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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