you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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