if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
