do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
