Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
