remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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