I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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