I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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