OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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