Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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