we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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