We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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