we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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