OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
