Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
