Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
