Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
