is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
