i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
