i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
