This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
