very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
