I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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