3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize