Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You have to summon your inner elephant
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
