just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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