I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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