Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
How naked do you want me to be?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
