i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
