You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
