but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
