On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
