my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
