peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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