I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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