Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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