My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
