3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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