you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
