All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
