So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
