I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize