hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
