new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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