Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
