i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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