wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
im six kinds of drunk right now
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
