This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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