Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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