i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
