Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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