Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
