She's JV to your varsity
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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