I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
