I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
