he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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