Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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