i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
