I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize