I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
