Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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