R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
