think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
