I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
