Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
