he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
