There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just gift wrapped bread.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
