Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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