My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize