best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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