i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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