My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize