Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Everyone says I win the strip club
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
